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Jokes from Jake Handey. F-ed up in its own awesome way. :D From the page: "One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down."... more
Reviewed by drofnats Jun 04 2008, 11:54pm ( 310 reviews ) • well.com
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Rated by ElviraMM on Dec 14, 3:55am
Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers? ========== It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money. ========== To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad. ========== When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns. (Jack Handey)
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Reviewed by usmjam on Oct 22, 7:51am
(Some of the)Deep(est) Thoughts (by Jack Handey)If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go,because, man, they're gone.==========If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.==========If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.==========To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, nochoreography and the dancers hit each other.==========Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there,in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.==========Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's like a regular window.==========If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and whileyou're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it ona truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.==========Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be overhere, looking through your stuff.=========="
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Rated by ybpanda on Oct 08, 9:25am
As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
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Rated by charzy2111 on Aug 19, 7:06pm
still larfing ! consider the daffodil and while your doing that i'll be here going thru your stuff hahahahahahahA
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Rated by CorrieCurtis on Aug 16, 7:40pm
Too offbeat for me. I like deadpan clever combined with a little bit of random, but this is too much for me.
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Rated by SuzyX1980 on Jul 23, 7:55pm
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone. Jack Handey still going strong after all these years.
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Rated by Vneck08 on Jul 18, 2:18pm
Sounds like mitch hedberg jokes, except these must be his b-sides.
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Rated by JamesLite on Jul 12, 8:28am
[...]If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you. [...]
