Website review: God Angrily Clarifies Dont Kill Rul...
rockockockockock discovered this in Religion
•25 reviews since Nov 22, 2005
religion, god, satire
•theonion.com/content/node/28151
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Reviews of this website
- gavinski rated 7 weeks ago
- "Look, I don't know, maybe I haven't made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again," said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. "Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don't. And to be honest, I'm really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand." Worshipped by Christians, Jews, and Muslims alike, God said His name has been invoked countless times over the centuries as a reason to kill in what He called "an unending cycle of violence." "I don't care how holy somebody claims to be," God said. "If a person tells you it's My will that they kill someone, they're wrong. Got it? I don't care what religion you are, or who you think your enemy is, here it is one more time: No killing, in My name or anyone else's, ever again."
- jonathanjojo rated 5 months ago
- I'm still confused. Does God want me to kill people or not?
APedant rated 5 months ago- Very brave, given the dateline (26 sept 2001), and very perceptive. It is indeed a basic tenet of all 3 Abrahamic faiths that killing people is forbidden.
- LordMortis rated 5 months ago
- Wow. An article on The Onion that I don't find funny.
- noodle976 rated 6 months ago
- ... i think he wants us to kill people still >_> that's what the article was saying right? he wants us to kill people?
- JIR rated 6 months ago
- From the page: "Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday. 'Look, I don't know, maybe I haven't made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again,"'said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers."
- Korinthian rated 6 months ago
- ...but I bet he didn't mean "don't kill" LITERALLY.
