Website review: Marry Him!
jenjen1352 discovered this in Women's Issues
•16 reviews since Feb 9, 2008
women, dating, gender
•theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry
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Reviews of this website
jenjen1352 discovered 5 months ago- The woman is a complete and utter fool.
- GraceBelle rated 7 weeks ago
- I couldn't even finish this. No one who actually watched "Friends" has any clue about relationships, anyway. Turn off the TV and get a life, and maybe you'll learn a bit about what really matters in a relationship.
Maybe what she means by settling is actually having realistic expectations. I've heard this same routine from several of my friends, and what I find is that they expect a lot more from a man than they are able to give in return.
Case in point: they will bitch and moan about a man being too short, slightly balding, chubby....but then you look at her, and she's seriously overweight, has fried her hair with chemicals, and is wearing layers and layers of makeup. Too many women who are probably a 6 refuse to settle for anything less than a 10, when in reality superficial crap like that shouldn't matter anyway. Then looking closer, you find that their lives are a mess, but they consider it "settling" if they commit to any man who's not a CEO or who can't change the oil in his car, or some other silly thing.
They have a mental checklist, and any man who doesn't meet EVERY SINGLE ITEM is someone who would mean "settling". I have no patience for listening to them anymore. - I couldn't even finish this. No one who actually watched "Friends" has any clue about relationships, anyway. Turn off the TV and get a life, and maybe you'll learn a bit about what really matters in a relationship.
- linkrtlink rated 2 months ago
- Writing as a single mom in her 40s, Gottlieb's aiming this piece towards single women over 30. There's quite a lot of "been there, done that" in her voice, so while folks could disagree with her assumptions or conclusions, she doesn't apologize for perspective, knowledge of herself, and how she gained them. The loft/perch from where she writes bugs me for the double standard at work. When I hear women (or men) from other classes and culture making the same calculations in their relationships, think of the language which gets used. Gottlieb also overlooks the cadre of women and men who support/reinforce the "damsel in distress" notion (and to a lesser extent the MILF fetish?) also a rich mine of material for those who want to settle and still find compromising to clusterf*** norms and ideals as well. Still don't completely buy her comfort with her choice, just that she's comfortable she was able to decide for herself, whatever the implications. Sometimes, you just say "enough" and cut your losses, others know they can stay in the search for the long haul. So she's open to fair criticism, but not from anyone-- man or woman-- who wants to use this as gender attack, particularly for women as indecisive. Wondering: how much better is any man (or woman) so focused on what they want (baby, relationship, etc.) to notice the other person and their qualities en route to or after the pursuit of happiness any better than the person who shuns it altogether through indecision? Point: you aim for knowing you and what you want, understanding it can change just as you, life, circumstances, needs, etc will. The more unrealistic or inflexible things, like people, remain the most impenetrable, unfulfilled, and unsatisfied with nothing to stand beside them at days end. Really going to think about this piece for a while... --- Sara Lipka's 25 Jan 08 Atlantic interview with Gottlieb arguably better captures the thoughts she's attempting to convey in condensed fashion. Also consider reading Gottlieb's earlier Atlantic piece from 2005, The XY Files, about her choice to conceive via sperm donor after ending her long-term relationship.
- rakesh-manmohan rated 3 months ago
- After reading this article I feel vindicated in my assumption that women are the last to know what they want, and that they are enormously difficult to please, just check out the following quote, "Many of the guys I dated possessed these qualities, but if one of them lacked a certain degree of kindness, another didn't seem emotionally stable enough, and another's values clashed with mine. Others were sweet but so boring that I preferred reading during dinner to sitting through another tedious conversation. I also dated someone who appeared to be highly compatible with me--we had much in common, and strong physical chemistry--but while our sensibilities were similar, they proved to be a half-note off, so we never quite felt in harmony, or never viewed the world through quite the same lens." However, she does make an observation that I feel is accurate, "Men settle far less often and, when they do, they don't seem the least bit bothered by the fact that they're settling." Of course she may wonder why men are more inclined to be contented in such a marriage and, in my layman's opinion, the next line gives us a clue as to why, "And no matter what women decide--settle or don't settle--there's a price to be paid..." Is she surprised that there is a price to be paid? Like...duh! That's the law of the universe, that's Karma. The reason why men may seem more contented in such situations is , and I may be wrong, I admit, that men understand perhaps a little better than women that in life if you want something you have to make certain sacrifices, certain compromises.
- ShermanBGood rated 4 months ago
- I think this articulates a subtlety that a lot of people can't get. A good read.
- mlok rated 4 months ago
- This is just wrong. (More wrong than "What Not to Crochet" below.)
- robin-tm rated 4 months ago
- settling for less
- xzerospace rated 4 months ago
- "And all I can say is, if you say you're not worried, either you're in denial or you're lying." Yeeaahhh... I really don't remember electing her the representative of all womankind.
- aliasinkhorn rated 5 months ago
- The author of this article, a woman, was completely honest. It's an essay of out loud thinking on a matter that is too often hidden by feminine bravado. I was invited to a NGO meeting of single women in Zagreb, Croatia in 2003. I was one of a hand full of men, otherwise it was a sea of women ranging between 30 to 50 years old. It was facilitated by a well known woman psychiatrist. The beginning of the meeting had its (feminine) pride and (male) punishment. As the three hour meeting advanced, doctor got the women to open up. They soon started to sound like this article. It was interesting because it all sounded like words I had heard in a singles group (predominately women) in Las Vegas ten years earlier. I give the article a thumbs up for veracity - and for a truth the author uncovers: 'But then my married friends say things like, “Oh, you’re so lucky, you don’t have to negotiate with your husband about the cost of piano lessons” or “You’re so lucky, you don’t have anyone putting the kid in front of the TV and you can raise your son the way you want.” I’ll even hear things like, “You’re so lucky, you don’t have to have sex with someone you don’t want to.” The lists go on, and each time, I say, “OK, if you’re so unhappy, and if I’m so lucky, leave your husband! In fact, send him over here!” Not one person has taken me up on this offer.' There's more to the subject than she wrote, of course. She wasn't writing a book, though, just an article built on earnest reflection.
