From the page: "How does all this apply to mate selection? Brad Pitt is reputed to have said about his divorce from Jennifer Aniston: "I didn't like who I was when I was with her." We spend most of our time around other people. If other people, by virtue of who they are, pull out of us people we ourselves don't like, we'll end up spending most of our time as people we don't want to be. And arguably no one has a greater ability to impact who we are than our mate.
The problem, of course, is that who our mates pull out of us also changes over time. Initially, they likely pull out someone we like very much: our excited, passionate, happy selves. Later, however, as our relationship evolves, they may begin to pull out of us parts our ourselves we don't like at all: our angry, demanding, or even depressed selves. Ultimately, of course, we bear the responsibility for who we are. But the way we influence who we are isn't by simply deciding to be different. We have to be clever. We have to pull levers窶"arrange positive influences窶"that actually yield the changes we want. Who we choose to spend our lives with may be one of the most powerful influences of all. Though we can't necessarily predict who they'll pull out of us in the future, we can at least ask ourselves who they pull out of us now. And if we don't like that person, no matter how much we may like the person we want to choose, perhaps we should think twice about making them our choice.
Dr. Lickerman's book, The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self, is available now. Please read the sample chapter and visit Amazon or Barnes & Noble to order your copy today!