BreakUpEmail.com | Sometimes its just easier this way
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Dear ,
I'm writing you this email because I think our relationship has run its course. Do you realize that you're a total loser? I can't believe how selfish you are. Relationships are supposed to be about sharing, jerk. I know you'll probably tell everyone that you dumped me, because you're a liar. But everyone knows that already, so they won't believe you. You couldn't even pass your exams without cheating; I should have known you'd cheat on me too, asshole. You know, a little respect can go a long way. But the amount of respect you give me is only enough for ME to go a long way. A long way away from you, douchebag. Doing drugs so much really got in the way of more important things. You need to clean yourself up. Frankly, you just don't care enough about me. Luckily I care enough about me to make up for it, by saying goodbye to you. Here's some food for thought: you're an asshole! Oh yeah, I almost forgot to point out that you're pure evil, a characteristic that most people do NOT appreciate. You might want to work on that.
All that nagging of yours worked, assuming your intent was to get rid of me. At first I couldn't understand what smelled so bad when I spent time with you, but now it's clear: you're spoiled like a piece of meat left out in the sun. You don't live in a soap opera, so quit causing so much drama. Another problem is that you're irresponsible, and I just don't want to put up with the consequences of your decisions anymore.
Sorry, but you're not even worth keeping as a friend. Give me back my keys, I don't want you coming around here anymore. You may not have realized, but I saw you with him, you fat-fried hamburger-humper! Why are you so boring? I've seen rocks that are more interesting than you. I never want to see you again, jerkface! Stay away from me or I'll beat you with a frozen salmon. I think you get the idea: this relationship is over.
See you in hell,
WISH I FOUND THIS YEARS AGO.
