thedogthatsbig/news

Here we go.

438 days left to the election. If you're still around by then, please choose wisely.

From the page: "A mother who had her bag snatched was told by police it was not a crime - because she chased after the thief and won her property back."

This is actually a pretty good idea.

If you get caught downloading music and give a copy back, no problem.

If you get caught speeding, all you have to do is drive slow for a little bit to make up for it. No ticket.

Parking in a handicapped spot? I'll let 'em have the next space.

Drunk driving? Sit in a bar for an hour without drinking.

Gouging consumers on gas prices? Send everybody a rebate. (Oh, that one might work.)

This scared me at first, until I read:

"Rose said the ailing patient, a man whom she wouldn't identify, consumed "several bags of extra butter flavored microwave popcorn" every day for several years."

His breathing problems might be due to the fact that he probably weighs more than my car.

Jiffy Pop rules!

From the page: "A 40-year-old high school teacher and cross country coach has resigned and married a 16-year-old student.

A marriage license shows Brenton Wuchae married Windy Hager in Brunswick County, N.C., on Monday. The county board of education approved Wuchae's resignation Tuesday -- a week after he had requested it.

Wuchae coached Hager at South Brunswick High School, where she was a star runner. He lives less than two miles from her home on Oak Island."

The scariest thing about this isn't that he's basically a pedophile, it's that she's going to wake up one day and realize that she married an unemployed track coach.

From the page: "A topless car wash in Brisbane has been cleared for operation after authorities found no laws or water restrictions were being broken."

Hmmmm. Naked car wash and the authorities are concerned about water restrictions.

From the page: "GUATEMALA CITY - Mayan priests will purify a sacred archaeological site to eliminate "bad spirits" after
President Bush visits next week, an official with close ties to the group said Thursday."

Maybe we should invite the Mayans over here to give us an estimate.