Created •
This idea just came to me, and I had to write it down. It sounded in my mind like an entry in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, so that's how I wrote it.
...The Blegian people of Sirius 5 were a completely unique race in two respects: first, that every single one was dyslexic; and second, that they were the first and only race to annihilate themselves in an existential crisis.
The Blegians were, up until their final days, not a very philosophical race by nature. In fact, they have been compared to the Vogons in their total lack of interest in any intellectual pursuit not directly connected to their particular talent, which happened to be chartered accountancy and the mathematics behind it.
However, one day a very special and very different Blegian was born, named Crosates. This boy was the first of his kind to express an interest in that most fundamental of questions, "Why are we here?" Naturally, the Blegians were bewildered and even somewhat frightened by the question. To punish him, they made him drink a nasty poison from the Lemhock tree. Nevertheless, the youngster's questions soon took root in their minds, awakening a part of them they never knew existed before, something they soon named the "lous."
Suddenly, an amazing thing began to happen all across the planet of Sirius 5. People began to ask all kinds of questions about the natures of life and death, and about why they had spent so long doing nothing but chartered accountancy.
One such question they asked was, "Who made all this? Who made us and this world we live in?" This led to the obvious conclusion that a great, mystical being named Dog must have made it for them.
Then, finally, they came to the question, "What happens to us when we die?" This was a tricky one, owing mainly to the fact that no one had ever come back from the dead to tell them. Finally, they settled on the idea that one could either go to paradise as reward for being good, or to eternal torture for being evil.
The Blegians then remarked to one another, "Well Dog knows this isn't paradise. How can we get to paradise faster?" Well even the dullest of the Blegians could answer that question, and having not yet gotten around to answering the question of what constituted good and evil, the whole lot of them went on a huge murdering rampage in their infinite love for each other. The ones that survived then killed themselves in a state of serene bliss, knowing that they had sent their loved ones to a better place.
Interestingly enough Sirius 5 is also very unusual in that it produced two sentient species. Although the Blegians never knew it, a species of quadrupedal mammals they kept as pets and called gods were highly intelligent. The gods were usually dismissed as stupid due to their contentment with their lot in life, which mostly consisted of licking themselves, relieving themselves outside, and sniffing each other's rears.
Upon the mass extinction of the Blegians, the gods concluded that the great God in the sky must have shown them this example as a parable of sorts. They then decided to never worry about anything again, and contented themselves with chasing tacs and drinking out of toilet bowls.
