saltyglass

When I was eight, I was really good friends with the school librarian. I know what you're thinking, and yes, I was that kid. I had just started wearing glasses; I had also recently quit soccer and,...

Last weekend, while most of you were busy getting drunk in the name of Catholicism and nursing your subsequent hangovers, I was busy taking care of my dog, who apparently thinks it's a good idea to...

Also known as Satan's favorite snack.

Confession: I went to the grocery store yesterday for the first time in a month. A whole month of eating frozen burritos and ramen, of seeing if I could steal food from my coworkers without them no...

Some things are easier said than done. Making soufflés, for one. Training for a half marathon. Or even, I don't know, thinking before you speak. No one does it. We just kind of vomit out whatever h...

When you work an hourly job, as I do, you have a lot of down time. Sure, I work overtime most weeks, but my schedule is so odd that, most of the time, I feel like I'm unemployed. I get up late, eat...

This week, I was going to write about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's fetus, Beelzebub, but that's tired. We all know it's a bad idea for those narcissists to have children, no less with each other...

When we're young, we learn not to judge a book by its cover. That's right: don't judge the farting, booger-coated boy in your class by the amount of nose gems he stores under his desk, but by the c...

Man, life flies when you're busy scooping poop for 40+ hours a week. That is my way of apologizing for falling off of the face of the earth. Sometimes, being an adult sucks, because you can&#...