Rated
Nov 02
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1 review
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relationships, intimacy, love, children, opinion
• abc.net.au
One of the many opinion pieces the Australian Broadcasting Commission publishes on its website. Today an exhortation to lead ourselves away from superficiality if we are to experience the pain and satisfaction that intimacy brings.
"...so much of our every day life -- conversations in queues, reading newspapers, watching television -- is routinely superficial. It involves little reflection or analysis. It's what German philosopher Martin Heidegger called "groundless floating" -- a sort of existential treading water, which adds little to our character.
We lose ourselves in daily interaction with things and people, rarely questioning the fundamental ideas or values we're upholding -- perhaps they're a little frightening.
And the entertainment media feed on this, of course. If it's 'idle talk' we want, magazines like New! will supply it: a few minutes of distracted bliss, where the abstract failures or triumphs of famous strangers can take us away from ourselves.
Jordan's sex life is a vaporous lure for groundless floating.
But when, then, does the shallowness end? What moments offers us retreat from surfaces and reflexes? For someone like Heidegger, it presumably ends with philosophy or poetry -- with some radical authenticity, or re-envisioning of Western civilization. Others have replied with God, art or revolution.
But with Jordan in mind, I'm suggesting intimacy. In its genuine form, love is one genuine antidote to distraction and superficiality. I'm not talking Hollywood romance, with its predictable plots and happy endings -- though they're aiming at something valuable. And I'm not talking about sex, though it's often part of the magic.
The reason is simple: regardless of how the world changes, love enters into your mind as a non-negotiable fact. It is inescapably, painfully real.
You can fake marriages, orgasms and literary careers (Jordan's ghostwriter has written several best-selling books), but it's almost impossible to fake intimacy.
And if you can, it's a futile charade. This is chiefly because the sacrifices it demands are only worthwhile to someone rewarded by it. To love genuinely, you have to give up many things -- not simply time, or money, or a tidy lounge-room, but the sovereignty of your psyche.
To truly love is to give up shibboleths of absolute freedom, and admit that another person has a stake in your life; in the vicissitudes of your consciousness.
And this is particularly the case when we have children. Once they enter your life, kids push you again and again to recognise your faults and frailties, and reassess how and why you're living. They're the ultimate existential test."