ninepoundhammer's reviews

ninepoundhammer: 2,101 Favorites; 125 Subscribers; 78 Subscriptions; 155 Reviews & Blogs; 24 Reviews of ninepoundhammer

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Brother Thompson Battleaxe is a 37 year old person from Mmmm, Turkey

It's all about me now.

Me, Me, Me.

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Created Nov 19 •

my brother hates this woman with a passion fueled by the blazing heat of 1000 fiery furnaces-

but I'm not afraid to admit it:

I'd eat her sweet potatoes.
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Trailer Trash ~ Cinema Threat Nasties

Rated Nov 17 • 1 review • cult films, trashy cinema, indie film, win • youtube.com

Ho. ly. shit. A triple threat of trashy trailers!

First up is the trash cinema classic, 'The Hood Has Eyez.'

From the trailer: "The Hood Has Eyez will disgust you and repulse you like no other piece of cinema ever has.
But you will sit there and suffer through the tortures of the demented.
You will sit and watch this tasteless piece of trash.
You will axe yourself, 'What acts of sadism will this gangster commit with this broken bottle?'
...Can you take it? If you have a strong constitution, we challenge you to test it and sit through The Hood Has Eyez."

After that warm-up, we have 'Horno' -

'...a hilarious gore comedy with plenty of T&A, sex, guts, dismemberment, and vulgarity.'

'...It's about zombies and stuff.'

Stuff, indeed. There's plenty of stuff in it to offend, amuse, and/or titillate just about everyone. Must be seen to be appreciated.

(Also contains trailer for 'Revenge of La Llorona,' but I can't think of any kind of review for it right now. Just watch the trailers, they're hilarious. Trashy and offensive, but hilarious.)
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Created Nov 13 •

Reason #37 of Why Mexican Soap Operas Totally Outshine American Ones:

When you're in the middle of a discussion with your mother about killing your cousin
and you have a sudden, urgent need to take a dump
(due to an accidental overdose of love potion #9 just before you raped your cousin's wife)
you just drop trou and sit on the pot right in front of her. Ain't no thang, man, you just do it.

(And I don't buy the idea that this took place A Long Time Ago, and maybe customs were different- the dude took a crap in front of his mother.)

Mexican telenovelas = Win.
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Urban Dictionary: john

Rated Nov 10 • 2 reviews • humor • urbandictionary.com

dear tasha: about your urban dictionary entry... maybe we should talk.

(see numbers 1, 4, and 5. oh, and 6 too. but not 7, that's total bullshit.)
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Lianablog - Your NPR Name

Rated Nov 04 • 6 reviews • npr name • tumblr.com

Let's see... it appears my NPR name would be Mjohn St. Stephen.

I believe that's Leadershipcircle-ese for, "I'm better than you, bitch."

(Though to be honest, I still like Brother Thompson Battleaxe better.)
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Good Feet - Sore or Tired Feet? - Your Arch Support Store

Rated Nov 01 • 1 review • health • goodfeet.com

I paid about $250 for my pair, and they're worth every. single. cent.
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Iowa man ordering food at a restaurant called a zombie,...

Rated Oct 25 • 1 review • bizarre • chicagotribune.com

And just what do you suppose the guy was ordering?

Could it have been braaains, by any chance?
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Minneapolis Restaurants - A night with Galactic Pizzas...

Rated Oct 22 • 2 reviews • restaurants, galactic pizza • citypages.com

"Like any good deliveryman, [Captain] Awesome has received his share of phone numbers, he says,
and was once invited inside for a few drinks by a woman wearing nothing but a bathrobe.

Apparently Galactic has an unwritten policy condoning a 30-minute "break" in such circumstances..."

This has got to be the most awesome pizza joint in the entire world.
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The Timeless Wisdom of Dwight Schrute | Sloshspot Blog

Rated Oct 19 • 5 reviews • rainn wilson, fish boy, house of 1000corpses • sloshspot.com

Apparently Rainn Wilson is most famous for being in the American version of The Office (I've never seen a full episode).

But to me he will always and forever be known as Fish Boy...

***

Oh, it's real...
as real as I want it to be, mamma...
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ninepoundhammer

Trailer Trash ~ Cinema Threat Nasties

Urban Dictionary: john

Lianablog - Your NPR Name

Good Feet - Sore or Tired Feet? - Your Arch Support Store

Iowa man ordering food at a restaurant called a zombie,...

Minneapolis Restaurants - A night with Galactic Pizzas...

The Timeless Wisdom of Dwight Schrute | Sloshspot Blog