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The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.

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Top 25 Twitter cartoons from across the Web compiled by Chad Richards of www.socialyst.net

Captain Sully is an amazing pilot. It sounds so trivial in simple words like that, but what he did was nothing short of a death defying stunt greater than anything you ‘d see at the circus.  ...

Ten persistent calls to get money back. Final call with newly-wed young man who wanted love poetry. I taught him how to write a love letter. He thanked me and told me my money would be in my acc...

My friend Amanda had never seen a whole Star Wars film. When I asked her if she wanted to watch the original trilogy she said that she would, but that she already…