I think The Onion has been getting a bit dark lately with some of it's humour, although the premise of this one is quite simple (it's okay for kids to have crushes on teachers but not the other way around).
I don't like the idea of combining DIY with epoxy resin in my ears. I think I'd rather drop the £100 or whatever to have custom molds done. Better than that, if you are in a noisy place, don't bother trying to listen to your music and make it louder.
I think some of these may not be entirely serious. I'm almost tempted to add a humor or humour tag just for "Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - Fear of long words."