From the page: "I"
From the page: "I"
Lost in life
Lost in love
Lost in thought
Waiting to gain for what I fought.
Lost in time
Lost in words
Lost in your eyes
Forever trying to see past your disguise.
Lost in chaos
Lost in fear
Lost in what to do
Just hoping that one day I'll pull through.
Where am I, will I always be stuck?
Maybe karma is just cruel, maybe I just don't have luck.
My friends try to point the way, they say everything is all right.
Hopefully one day I'll listen, then soon they'll show me the light.
-Me (Joshua Higgins)
Over $100m wasted spreading some stupid story...
Harold Camping spends over $100m advertising absolute crap about the world ending...
Seems since his yet incorrect prediction again, he's gone quiet and hasn't made any statements as of yet.
I'm more disgusted that people donated so much money towards this advertising campaign.
Imagine if that was donated to charity.
I'd attend one of those parties of the cynical atheists, but it seems New York is a little too far! :D
To be honest...
I'm a selfish prick, I've only ever pursued in making you happy because I gain some sense of content knowing you're joyful and hopefully fond of me...
There's a significant amount of overwhelming pride, glory and satisfaction attained whenever I make you smile.
There's regrettably a hint of gratification and comfort when I'd feel depended upon whenever you cried, and I in all my power try to cheer you up.
There's undeniably the greatest feeling of joy whenever I'd make you laugh.
My gain was the happiness you gave me without even knowing it.
My point is, I'm selfishly selfless...
Lonely could be more than one thing.
Lonely could be the storm in someone窶s heart that no one would witness
Lonely could be the constant pain someone fails to express
Lonely could be the effort no one noticed
Lonely could be always waiting to be kissed
Lonely could be the words spoken to deaf ears
Lonely could be living with constant fears
Lonely could be waiting for you to embrace my care
Lonely could be watching you fall into another affair
Lonely could be the joke no one heard
Lonely could be watching people speak, but never fitting in a word
Lonely could be only ever dreaming
Lonely could be being too shy to sing
Lonely could be waiting for her day and night
Lonely could be only ever losing the will to fight
Lonely could be biting their tongue
Lonely could be only ever waiting to be rung
Lonely could be pretending to be happy
Lonely could be sat there, knowing what they could be
Lonely could be feeling worthless
Lonely could be feeling helpless
Lonely could be knowing you窶re too far away
Lonely could be wishing they was holding you today
Lonely could be watching the time
Lonely could be just writing rhymes
Lonely could be hoping I wasn窶t here
But somehow, I seem to persevere.
-Me (Josh Higgins) Aka JoshTheDoc
In my heart is a hole where you should be
Your voice fills the void, but it crumbles when your sound resides.
Miles and seas away, I wish you was with me
But only when the seas depart, will I walk to you on a far enough tide.
We look at the same stars, we look at the same moon
But that's never enough, I want to see you soon.
I hope when we meet, though short, will be worth the forever I waited for it
Well, at least for this silly old Brit.
-Joshua Higgins (Aka JoshTheDoc)
A small insight of what my life working with computers is like....
Just converted using a hacksaw a PCI-E 16x 9500GT into a 1x PCI-E so my motherboard supports yet another card... I was looking at how the pins operate on a PCI-E 16 and 1x, and found they were the same, they even negotiated speeds if there's unavailable pins...
So, I thought I'd try it out.
I managed to work out that the first 7pins on the second notch on the track was needed, so I put sticky tap to help me guide and not cut the wrong ones, I then cu t away the 2pins that followed after it to allow the PCI-E 1x notch fit through snuggly that was originally stopping me physically fitting the card in, put some sticky tape on the unused pins after that to avoid shorts as they hang out of the PCI slot, fitted it into the motherboard 1x slot, crossed my fingers.. BEEP! Boots on a 9500GT 1x, windows loads "Installing 9500GT successful" WIN.
So I installed my two 8800GTS in SLI, and turns out, all 3 operate in SLI very well! The mismatched 9500GT can only operate for dedicated PhysX but it's managed to boost the FPS of Mirror's edge from 65fps to 80fps which is quite incredible!
Didn't actually think it was possible physically, let alone through software!
Not all men are saints, which is exactly why a majority of men fuck around and run through their lives selfishly without any sense of remorse, regret or guilt, they just do it entirely for their own selfish pleasure and gain, there's no sense of affection for anyone.
To them, the person they're with is merely an object.
They can hurt, cheat, mess around, and it'll all be without any second thoughts.
The worst thing about all this, should the other person dispose of them for this, it usually won't phase them at all, and so the cycle continues once they find someone else that adores them, and to take advantage of.
This is whilst some other men have to tolerate in frustration watching this happening to a girl who's possibly being taken advantage by someone matching the above description, but are generally too shy and hesitant to do anything about it.
All they can do is comfort the girl as best they can (with hesitation delicately determining what they do, and mostly what they DON'T do) leaving them constantly helping, but never generally getting any further in the eyes of the girl they're helping...
Basically, these guys are left watching those they love fall over and again into someone else's life, all while they boil in there emotion, even as to just help the girl continue her relationship , or start a new one with somebody else.
All because they consider it something that's within their control to some degree that could make her happy, despite not being a part of her happiness in any way...
These are the guys who'll continue to stay friends with someone they love, because they know they can make them happy in one way, because they care enough to want to still be with them as a friend...
Despite how much it hurts to be just friends with someone they feel that way about.y
These are the guys who'll stay up all night to talk to the one they adore regardless of how tired they are, or what time it is, because every second to them was worth the every hour they could have spent sleeping, or even dreaming about them.
These guys are the types of guys who'll hesitate because they think further than purely running on basic instinct, should the opportunity arise, the urge to do, or for a chance to do anything considered more than just "friendly", they'll consider whether it's something the other party wants...
They wouldn't want to pressure that other person, as it's unfair.
If they was to do anything, it'd be after they'd thought carefully and clearly about what the other person wants.
They didn't do anything, because they respected her, because they didn't think she'd want that.
These are the guys who would turn down so many opportunities for some type and form of love, but would rather stick for something genuine, because they're not the ones seeking heartbreak in someone who never loved them.
They're wiser than that.
These are the guys who'll run a million miles for her, do everything feasibly possible, pay the price of their heart and soul, pay in blood, sweat, tears, gold, just to see that person they love smile, as that person's smile is worth the forever they ever waited for it...
They're pay the heaviest, but reap the lightest in benefits for their efforts...
These are the guys who'd watch every massive effort ever invested in someone get briskly blown away by another man's poor little effort in a matter of seconds...
The man who didn't hesitate, standing where he should have been.
These are the guys who cry the largest rivers, for it's them who have invested the the most tears to shed.
These are the guys who try to change themselves everyday, forcibly growing ever less hesitant, because they're tired of being so lonely, tired of having no one to love, and be loved in return...
They try to think less about what they do.
Why should someone like all the above change themselves?
These are the guys who always deal with loosing people, or opportunities because they hesitated and was too anxious to embrace the moment.
They're the people who constantly hate themselves for thinking they're driving people they adore away, because they feel they give the wrong impression through hesitation.
These are the guys who question whether or not they should bother caring, because they're efforts go unheeded, constantly dealing with the feeling of loss after giving so much for nothing in return.
These are sometimes the guys you'd never had thought loved you, because they didn't make any move, or significant action to win your affection over.
I've always felt sorry for all my decent friends that get screwed around because they went out with some prick, and me as a friend will stand strong to do whatever I can to make them feel normal, happy and smile again...
I feel more sorry for my friends that loved that person who was screwed over, but never did anything to gain there affection, just because the most common issue with these types of guys is that they hes
Just not socially successful...
-Joshua Higgins AKA JoshTheDoc
Andy Samberg - I Threw it On The Ground, Rap song, Hip hop, System, Girl, Phone, Cell phone Cake, I'm an adult, JoshTheDoc, Joshua Higgins
'"LOL" Man, you get that error to!? =D'
-Joshua Higgins, Aka JoshTheDoc
"One of the best things in life... Is when you just get so used to something, it ceases to hurt any more."
Of taking risks for her, when all I'm afraid of is the risk of losing her...
Life is harshly unfair to those with a kind motive...
Than listening to music so loud it fucking hurts.
JoshTheDoc, Joshua Higgins, Rose.
JoshTheDoc, Joshua Higgins.
I think my sense of humour is too advance for most people...
Which is why they never laugh!