harleygal

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Fwd: Investment Advice


Subject: Fwd: Investment Advice




I called my stockbroker and asked him what I should be buying.

He said, "If the current administration is in office much longer, canned goods and ammunition are your best bet.

8/14/2011 02:54:00 PM | Key Words: BARACK OBAMA, WALL STREET | 3 Comments

FW: Two funnies in one e-mail


Subject: FW: Two funnies in one e-mail







Cowboy
A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.."

The cowboy groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became more impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.

Finally they summoned the police.

The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"

"Sam," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" asked the Ranger.

With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Sam said, "The balcony."


San Diego Woman Shot in Head
Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car.


He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.


Linda is blonde, a Democrat and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence. The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and it was determined to be Bush's fault.

8/12/2011 11:39:00 AM | Key Words: BARACK OBAMA, DEMOCRATS, TEXAS | 2 Comments

FW: TEXAS POLICE DO CARE

Subject: FW: TEXAS POLICE DO CARE





Subject: FW: TEXAS POLICE DO CARE






TEXAS POLICE DO CARE

I get irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don't care about or respect others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category.
This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Fredericksburg, TX who reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Kerrville . He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 10 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzel dust on his eyelds, 2 1/2 inch false eyelashes and an Obama T-shirt.

The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

See there, Texas police do care."

This page can only be described in one word: AWESOME!

This is my husband! I didn't realize that there was a site for divorcing him. Glad to find this one.

Dacula has the best Memorial Day parade.