The Galilean Library
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Kirilov's Dilemma
"All man did was to invent God so as to live without killing himself. That's the essence of universal history till now. I am the only man in universal history who for the first time refused to invent God. [...] To realize that there is no god and not to realize at the same instant that you have become god yourself - is an absurdity, for else you would certainly kill yourself. If you do realize it, you are a king and will never kill yourself, but will live in the greatest glory. But he who is first to realize it is bound to kill himself, for otherwise who will begin and prove it? [...] I am still only a god against my will, and I am unhappy because I am bound to express my self-will. [...] Fear is the curse of mankind. But I shall proclaim my self-will. I am bound to believe that I do not believe. I shall begin and end, and open the door."
from Fyodor Dostoevsky's 'The Possessed' (1872)
