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elledark
Last seen: 1 hour ago
Ellie is a woman from perilously up a palm tree in the, Virgin Islands (U.S.)
Wide-eyed and innocent, but with a sharp little switch-blade hidden in my pink faux-leather purse just in case. Mostly though I'm just here to relax and have fun. By the way, if you message me and I don't answer it always means I'm not at my computer. Even if Stumble shows me as being online I may be wandering aimlessly, hiding in the cupboard to escape my aunt or performing some menial task for the cat. If you want to find your way back here easily and see when I stumble new stuff, just click the magic 'subscribe' button. Its free, its fun, and the pixies like it when you do .. :)) ellie ... (Oh and this is my new Tumblr blog if you're interested .. just trying it out )
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Oh Go On ... Give us a Kiss !
Its a funny old world, 'innit ? I read somewhere that when Queen Victoria signed the Criminal Law Amendment Act of 1885, an act intended to suppress brothels, it originally included penalties for homosexual and lesbian conduct but she crossed out all references to lesbianism, stating categorically, "Female homosexuality does not exist." I wonder what she'd have made of todays newspapers where hardly a day passes without pictures of some female movie or pop 'star' lezzing it up with another girl ?
Remember the collective gasp that went up from the worlds news media when Madonna cynically snogged Britney at some tacky award show ? Or the column inches grabbed when Katy Perry trod the same faux sapphic path with her hugely successful hit record 'I Kissed a Girl' ? It seems that, having pretty much exhausted all of the fashion options for being shocking, girls are now dipping into the 'sexually ambiguous' dressing-up bag to get attention.
Its not just wannabe female celebs desperate for publicity locking lips either. How often do you see drunken straight girls at clubs trying to look outrageous with a little 'girl-on-girl' kissing ? Some of them might argue its all about being a 'strong, liberated female' who isn't afraid to 'explore her sexuality', which would be fine if it were true. Unfortunately though the 'girls kissing' fad seems to be just the currently fashionable way for some straight girls to shock or to grab guys attention. Lets face it, theres nothing guys like better than seeing a couple of girls indulging in a little hanky-panky so its a very easy button to push.
To state the obvious, someone elses sexual preferences are absolutely no business of mine as mine are no business of theirs. I'm definitely all for girls genuinely following their inclinations, whatever they may be, but I'm afraid I'm much less respectful of the attention seekers. Nothing to do with sexuality. I just I think its kind of tacky and lacking in self-respect. I mean, how many straight guys do you see who act gay and kiss each other in public to attract females ? Not a lot, I think
But who knows ? Maybe I'm just being unduly cynical about the current outbreak of girly-smooching and fundamental changes in sexual orientation are sweeping like an unstoppable tide through the haunts of celebs and clubbers. Or maybe not ..:))
Ellie
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Online Romance .. the Impossible Dream ?
Of course some would say that internet romance isn't 'real'. How could it be ? You don't really 'know' the other person. Ahhh but I've seen couples who have slept together for years, swopped spit and body fluids regularly, and yet were still total strangers to each other. Some of them were even married. Reality is a slippery customer. It resists attempts to over-simplify. If someone on another continent can make you smile, its a real smile. If they can make you cry, then the tears are real. Reality transcends distance and the medium of communication. It's much more complex than some people seem to think. If you ever work out exactly what reality is then let me know because I certainly haven't.
In reality (that word again) internet chat, social networking and other means of online communication are so sophisticated these days that you can be part of the life of someone you've never physically met on an almost minute-by-minute basis. You can share the day with them. You can be best friends. They can be 'there' for you in a more real sense than people you live or work with. I know people who have been in a long-distance internet relationship for years with someone they've never met and its worked remarkably well for them. Its never easy but for some it fulfils mutual needs and is better than the alternatives. Of course, like any other kind of relationship, there is never a guarantee of success.
One problem inherent in any kind of long-distance romance is the absence of physical contact. Another is that some people have a rigid blueprint in their mind for what a 'relationship' must be like, a fixed trajectory involving 1) online contact leading to 2) a 'real' meeting leading to 3) bliss and 'forever-after ' and they're not open to anything different. Its also true that a 'halo-effect' can develop in online romances. If someone is unhappy with their life and the people in it and they meet someone online that person can become a blank canvas onto which they paint all of the virtues. The internet lover becomes better than any mortal person could ever hope to be. If its a guy he doesn't burp, his socks don't smell and the argument over him leaving the toilet seat up never happens. If its a female she is always beautiful and always up for it. She's never got cat-litter on her old jeans or a spot on her nose. You could argue this is dangerous because how could anyone in the 'real' world possibly compete with perfection ?
But is online romance much different in that respect from the 'real' world where people often see the object of their affection through 'rose-tinted glasses' ? They say love is blind and I only have to look at some of the specimens my friends have been smitten with to agree. In fact with one or two of them I've been tempted to think love must be clinically insane as well. So really I'm starting to think the whole business about love online versus 'reality' kind of misses the point, which for me is that love creates its own 'reality'. If cupids arrow hits you then it doesn't matter much if you're smiling at a beautiful stranger in a bar or typing *smiles at you* on your computer keyboard. Either way, you're hooked and theres not a lot you can do about it. If you feel it then thats your reality. Sure, be careful with your heart because its the only one you've got, but don't let the 'reality' nay-sayers rain on your parade. If magic happens, embrace it with a smile .. or perhaps a *smile* .. :))
Ellie
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Its Later Than You Think
In fact the whole high-street was like some mad xmas theme-park with colored lights and fake snow and cheesey carols blasting out of every shop doorway and big 'sale' signs up everywhere too just in case anyone forgot we're in a recession. They start earlier each year, don't they ? I only went for some eye-liner but I got suckered into buying several rolls of wrapping paper with little chinese-looking snowmen on (it was dead cheap) from a guy in the street wearing a Santa hat. I sagely told myself this was prudent forward planning but if history is anything to go by I will have lost it by Xmas and it will not be re-discovered until the new year when it will be useless..
There was a busker on the pavement outside the big department store playing 'so this is xmas' (I don't know its proper name .. that old John Lennon thing) quite badly on a guitar and I felt like yelling at him "No its not, you idiot .. its not even the end of November yet" but I restrained myself because he was quite cute in a gypsy'ish-bohemian way. In fact he winked at me so I felt obliged to throw my small change into his hat but annoyingly, just after I did, I saw him wink in exactly the same way at a miserable looking goth girl too. Either he had a nervous twitch or he was being rather too casual with his affections.
Anyway, you will have noticed that there is absolutely no point whatsoever to this little chat today. I really have nothing to say and I'm saying it at length but hey .. isn't that why the internet was invented ? You're not bothered that I'm alarmed its only six weeks to Xmas (or possibly five or some other number) are you ? No.. thought not ..:))
ellie
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Another Day, Another Massacre in the USA 
The news today seemed strangely familiar, like we've all been here before and not very long ago at that. Theres been another gun massacre in the USA. This time an army major, Nidal Malik Hasan, went on a murderous rampage at Fort Hood in Texas. At the last count 13 people had been killed and 30 wounded, although the number of deaths may change if any of the wounded deteriorate. Its a breaking story and no-one yet is certain exactly what happened or what his motives were so I won't try to discuss the detail of this incident but instead I'll just make a few general predictictions of what I think will happen next (or not) :-
- Expect to see more gun massacres. They happen with monotonous regularity in the USA. There have been many over the years. In a few weeks or months you'll be reading about the next one. They have become a regular feature of life in America.
- Do not expect any lessons to be learned. After each massacre pious politicians and talking heads in the media say that we must 'learn the lessons' so that 'something like this can never happen again' . They don't and it does.
- Do not expect the root cause to be addressed. The problem is much worse in the USA than in other countries because America is awash with guns. Almost no-one will even acknowledge this huge elephant squatting in the living room. You can't go on a shooting spree if you don't have a gun, but all attempts at sensible gun control have been, and will be, thwarted..
- Expect the 'terrorists' to be blamed. This latest massacre is almost certainly the normal, run-of-the-mill, psychotic-with-a-gun episode that is such a staple of American life but because the majors name is Hasan, scared bigots and right-wing media pundits will scream its a 'terrorist' plot and that 'terrorists' have infiltrated the military. Scare-mongering is inevitable.
- Expect Obamas name to be dragged into it. At some point a right-wing smear-merchant will find some absurd way of linking the shooting to Obama, either for his actions or inactions or simply because they hate him for not being white and right-wing.
There you go. My humble predictions and time will tell if they're right. I hope not but I have a sneaking feeling thats how it will go.
Ellie
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The Rise (and rise) of the Adult Toddler
From the time that the first cavemen hit each other on the head with wooden clubs, right through to our febrile fascination with confrontational TV shows like Jerry Springer, stopping off at every excuse for a good punch-up along the way, mankind has reveled in conflict. Wherever there was the smallest reason for discord it has been embraced eagerly. Where no reason for conflict existed, it was gleefully invented. You could say its just human nature and civilization has been largely about mankind, collectively and individually, learning a bit of self-control.
Its an uphill struggle though, and you need look no further than the Adult Toddler to see why. Who are these 'adult toddlers' ? Well they're the people bursting with hair-trigger, unfocused rage and lacking any self-control. They have an overweening sense of self-importance; an unshakeable conviction that their every whim, however unreasonable, must be gratified; a certainty that their every thought, however banal, must be proclaimed loudly and listened to; a belief that they must never be impeded or have to wait for anything even for a moment. They exhibit a total self-absorbtion and inability to consider anyone elses feelings. The need for instant gratification and a huge sense of entitlement are their defining characteristics.
Maybe its because bad behaviour is less risky than it once was. Get in someones face in the past and you might end up shot or challenged to a duel. These days you can be as obnoxious as you want with impunity. On the internet you can rant and scream and troll to your hearts content and no-one can give you a well-deserved slap. Whatever the reasons, while the grown-ups weren't paying attention our society has somehow become over-run with adult toddlers who want what they want and want it RIGHT NOW or they'll throw a childish hissy-fit. Watch any reality TV show and you'll see the adult toddlers indulging in tears and tantrums. Drive your car into town and they'll be behind you shaking their fists and blowing their horns. Peek into Stumbleupons groups and forums and marvel at the toddler-like arguments and insults. Theres no escape. They're everywhere.
But don't worry. I have a solution. I'm going to demand that everyone grow-up, learn a bit of patience and agree to differ politely. And if they don't do it RIGHT NOW I'll fling myself on the floor, drum my heels, sob and scream, call them names and in all probability hold my breath until I go red in the face. And I won't stop until I get my own way. That'll teach 'em .. :))
ellie
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Going Green for Cheapskates
OK, I admit it ! I caused global warming. Well you'd think I had from the number of times I get told off for leaving the lights on or turning the heating up to tropical levels or swiping all the hot water for blisteringly hot bubble baths . And of course thats without the noxious fumes that my ancient car, Emily, coughs out when she actually manages to wheeze into life. So I'm not desperately 'green' I suppose. Which is basically what a friend was telling me this afternoon. That the planet is doomed and its all my fault.
The thing is, being green seems to be so expensive. Wherever I look I see advertizers trying to convince people to eat expensive 'organic' food or rush out and spend a fortune on some 'cleaner-greener' car or cough up cash for double-glazing or more fuel efficient heating. Its a source of wonder that the capitalist system and the advertising industry that serves it are able to turn even impending global disaster into a marketing opportunity. Gotta love those ad-men.
While I may have been browbeaten into feeling guilty about not being very eco-friendly, though, the idea of spending my way to green'ness by buying even more 'stuff' strikes me as frankly absurd. There has to be another way and so without further ado or the benefit of any knowledge of the subject whatsoever, here are my tips for being a green cheapskate :-
Don't buy so much stuff - and this is my basic rule for being green ... before you spend a penny on anything ask yourself if you really need it. Whats wrong with the clothes you've got ? Do you really need the latest gadget with 200 functions that you only understand how to use 3 of ? Won't your car last a bit longer ? Is the water in your tap really so poisonous that you need to buy costly bottled stuff that has more bacteria in it anyway ? If you like reading can't you use the free local library rather than the expensive bookstore ? A simple truth is that the less unneccessary 'stuff' we're all conned into buying the more green we are. Save money and save the planet at the same time.
Does it have to be 'new' - Ok so maybe once in a while you really *do* need to buy something but does it have to be new ? The only people telling you that are the ad-men, for obvious reasons. Far greener to re-use what already exists. Thrift and charity shops are Aladdins caves. You can often get great clothes there and they sell used books and DVDs really cheap too. There are also some good local and online swap schemes where you can put in things you're finished with to exchange for things you want. Pretty much anything you need you can get good quality, cheap and used rather than expensive and new. It doesn't have to be 'all or nothing' or all the time either. Just shift the balance in your buying habits a little bit.
Keep your clunker but use it less - ignore the adverts and forget about buying your way into eco-friendly transport virtue. If the car you've already got works theres no need to rush into debt for a new-breed 'green' vehicle. Just use the one you have a little bit less. Switching off the air con, when its tolerable, will use10% less gas I read somewhere. Walk when you can. Think about a cheap used bike for short journeys or public transport for longer ones. Not all the time, just when its convenient. Poor old Emily is currently doing her best to make me greener whether I want to be or not by refusing to start these chilly mornings.
Turn it down or turn it off - forget robbing a bank to pay for solar panels and double glazing. Forget dramatic gestures. Don't get all hot and bothered. Just turn the thermostat knob down a few degrees. Remember to switch the tv and the computer completely off at nights and switch lights out when you're not using them. Showers use less energy than baths but personally if its the planet or my baths .. sorry planet. However, theres nothing that says you can't find some other cute green cheapskate and agree to share a bath for an immediate and free 50% energy and water saving. What could you buy that would do that ? Save money, have fun and protect the planet too. Is there a downside ? I think not :)
So there you have it. I could go on but you get the idea. In a nutshell, while its a good idea to be 'greener' that does not involve the need to buy more 'stuff'. Our guiding principle as green cheapskates should always be .. 'less is more' ..:))
ellie
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Have You Seen Sarah ? .. (A Halloween Story)
I think I saw Sarah last night.
I don't suppose many of you knew her. She hadn't been on Stumbleupon long and I think I was the only person she ever talked to. Why me I'll never know. She didn't stumble much, she just liked to chat and oh boy could she ever talk. She would message me about 9/11 and flying saucers and giant lizards running the Whitehouse. Sarah was a nutjob alright but she was so smart and funny with it that I often found myself being drawn into the weirdest late-night conversations and almost believing her.
Her crowning moment of madness, though, came just the other night when she claimed that Stumbleupon was powered by the disembodied souls of stumblers who had been sucked into its network. At first I thought it was just a Halloween joke but she was very serious. "It happens late at night", she said, "to stumblers who are alone at their computers. They get 'disappeared'. They vanish .. Poof ! Just like that". The mounting agitation in the flood of messages she was sending me certainly seemed real enough. It was like she desperately needed to tell someone about her 'discovery' and, since I was her only friend here, I was 'it'. Lucky me, eh? Quite honestly, I thought she might've finally flipped right out. Paranoia city !
Her story was that, late at night and bored, she'd somehow managed to hack into the deepest, most secret part of the Stumbleupon 'thing'. Don't ask me the proper word for it because, unlike Sarah who is a computer-whizz, I'm a dunce when it comes to technical stuff. Anyway, she said she'd found something hidden there that proved the developers of Stumbleupon were .. wait for it .. aliens ! Yep, thats what she said. Everyone speculates about the highly secret algorithms the stumble system supposedly runs on but Sarah said thats just a smokescreen. Buried deep at the heart of Stumbles core functions are the souls of stumblers who have been sucked into the 'mesh'. Thats what she called it, the 'mesh'.
She kept saying .. "but people disappear from Stumbleupon. Their accounts are terminated and you never hear of them again" .. as if this was proof of her wild conspiracy theory. No amount of reasoning would shake her conviction that something secret and diabolic was going on but, hey, thats Sarah for you. I mean its true, people do just leave for no apparent reason and are never heard of again. I think theres even a group here that tracks these 'dissapearances' but come on ... its just people getting bored and leaving. Nothing more sinister than that. I gave up in the end and went to bed but I felt guilty because she was so upset.
The next day, when I visited her site I saw that it had the 'account scheduled for deletion' notice up. It was being terminated. Crazy as she was, I was sorry to see her leave but it happens. People come and go all the time on Stumbleupon and I'd never really known her all that well anyway. I wouldn't have thought any more about it except something else happened last night. Something that scared me and even now makes me a little uneasy about using Stumbleupon.
It was past midnight and I'd stayed up way too late as usual. I was yawning and randomly pressing the 'stumble' button when something flashed onto my screen. It was gone in an instant and I couldn't get it back. Now I admit that I was tired. Truthfully I couldn't be sure what I saw. But what I *think* I saw was Sarah .. trapped behind the screen .. her pale face floating in a darkness that was deeper and blacker than anything natural or of this world ... and she was terrified .. she was screaming.
That image haunts me. I'm not sure what to do. I mean, what *can* I do ? If I start going on about aliens and the 'mesh', people will think I'm as nuts as Sarah was. Maybe I was mistaken . Maybe I just imagined it. I don't know what to believe. I wouldn't want to worry you or anything though. I mean, even if you are alone at your computer as you read this I expect you'll be alright. I sure hope so. Me ? I know its silly but I'm using the computer in the public library where there are lots of people around to post this. I don't know what good its going to do but I was wondering, and I hope you don't mind me asking, have *you* seen Sarah ?
Happy Halloween ..:))
ellie
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Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
"So let me get this straight .. its OK to have hair on your head, right ? " .. Mr Man-from-Mars might say .. "and its OK to have it under your arms too if you're a guy but not if you're a girl ? Weird . Hair on legs is a lady no-no and everybody politely pretends it doesn't exist (like the underarm thing) but a man without hairy legs would be regarded as a bit of a pixie ? I see. So what about the .. you know .. ahem .. naughty south-of-the-border bits ? Oh thats OK for both sexes ? Cool .. except girls sometimes let Brazilian Wax torturers rip it all off down there because .. umm .. well nobody quite knows why ? How peculiar. Moustaches ? Beards ? Oh I see .. they're a guy thing and it depends on timing whether you're cool-beans or get rocks thrown at you ? Like, in some periods of history having a beard means you're a pillar of the community and in others it just means you're a dirty, hairy hippy ? How amusing"
By which time, of course, Mr-Man-from-Mars is totally baffled and who can blame him ?
We lovingly cultivate hair on some parts of our bodies and try to totally obliterate it from others. A well groomed guy might be proud of a thick, glossy head of hair but scrape away at his chin every single day with a razor to create the illusion that he doesn't really have facial hair at all. Unless, of course, its one of those moments in history when moustaches or beards are fashionable, then he won't. We girls invest huge amounts of time and money on our 'crowning glory' but ruthlessly exterminate all traces of hair on most other parts of our bodies. A female model flashing a bushy armpit would be shocking but, oddly, the absence of hair on that same models head would be considered equally startling. Why ? Who makes the rules ?
Try to imagine, for a moment, the human race applying some logic to the way it deals with hair. If we're happy to let it grow on our heads then why don't we let it grow naturally everywhere else too ? Can you picture it ? All the guys at work with droopy moustaches and big beards ? All the girls with bushy armpits ? Or if we're going to shave it from our legs and armpits and chins then why not shave it off our heads too ? Imagine a sea of billiard-ball heads bobbing around in the street. It'd seem strange but why should it ? Either way would make more sense than the current mish-mash of hair and no-hair areas which defy logic.
I know part of it comes from people being brainwashed through advertising into believing that they need to look a certain way if they are to be happy and fulfilled (a way that involves them buying the advertised product) but its not just that. Way back before people were turned into consumer slaves in the 20th century there were 'rules' about hair. I suppose its always been a way of identifying with certain groups, or exercising control by making others conform, or a comunally agreed charade that emphasised gender differences. But if you stop and think about it logically it really *is* pretty weird, isn't it ?
None of which, of course, is getting these tangles out of my hair. I think I'm going to need an industrial-strength flame-thrower for that .... Grrrrrrrr ....
Ellie
