Exaggerate your compliments
If you're going to say something nice, why not make it a bit nicer? Only you will know the difference and the target of the compliment will feel that much better.
Forget about insults entirely (even in jest)
We can all ag...
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they get up in the morning that's the best they're going to feel all day.
"My life is like a porno-movie, without the sex".
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.