Rated
Jul 04
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2 reviews
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psychology, relationships
• nytimes.com
Aspergers -- a mysterious disorder that is more common than you would think....
Somewhere Inside, a Path to Empathy
by David Finch
IT wasn’t working, any of it. Our third year of marriage threatened to be our last. I’d become cynical and withdrawn, obsessive and preoccupied, dismissive and unhelpful.
“I don’t know when things got bad,” Kristen said, wiping away tears. “I feel like I’ve lost you and I don’t know what will bring you back.”
In reality she hadn’t lost me. She’d found me. The facade of semi-normalcy I’d struggled to maintain was falling away, revealing the person I’d been since childhood. I didn’t even know what was wrong with me, though my wife, a speech pathologist who works with autistic children, had her suspicions. Even so, it would be another two years before she would put all the pieces together and attach a name to what was ruining our marriage: Asperger’s syndrome.
During Kristen’s first few years of practice, she worked only with severely autistic children. But as she expanded her clientele to include higher-functioning kids, she started learning more about Asperger’s syndrome, a comparatively mild autism spectrum disorder characterized by egocentricity and impairments in communication and socialization. That’s when she started seeing parallels to my behaviors.
One evening after we put the kids to bed, Kristen approached me with a smile, wrapped me in a hug and asked me to come downstairs to her office. First she allowed me to complete my 8:30 p.m. routine, fully aware of how essential it is to my peace of mind: circle the downstairs, note which lights are on, and stare out the front window, visually lining up the neighbors’ rooftops. I finally joined her at her desk, where she sat at the computer, ready to administer an online Asperger’s evaluation.
Looking somehow clinical in her pajamas, Kristen instructed me to answer the questions honestly. No problem, since I’m honest to a fault when I choose to speak to people. For the next two hours, she led me through questions that at times had us both laughing with recognition:
¶Do you often talk about your special interests whether or not others seem interested? Who’s not interested in cleaning-product slogans?
¶Do you rock back and forth or side to side for comfort, to calm yourself, when excited or overstimulated? Where’s the hidden camera?
¶Do you get frustrated if you can’t sit in your favorite seat? Friendships have ended over this.
And on it went.
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