alexknibb/news

Um. I'm not sure the BBC have really done this chap a favour here:

"Witness Michael Bexhill, appearing at Woolwich Crown Court under a false name, is speaking from behind large screens to protect his anonymity."

"After being sworn in, Mr Bexhill wrote his real name on a piece of paper which was handed to each of the jurors."

Why bother? They could've just looked it up on the BBC afterwards...

{EDIT} My brother pointed out (very sensibly) that Michael Bexhill probably wasn't his name either. Surely the BBC wouldn't lie to us as well, would they? Oh, god, I'm so confused. I don't know what to believe. If you can offer any help, please get in touch with me, Michael Bexhill, at the usual address.

(Very) Strong language coming up.

Every time I think I have a handle on exactly how much of a cock George Bush is, he ups the stakes. Now the cancerous tumor on the face of humanity has decided that he owns space now too. Try reading just the first three pages of the full document without vomiting slightly in your mouth in disgust. Go on, try it...

Tried it? Throw up a little in your mouth? Yep. Me too.

Basically, for those without the stomach to read any further, the general jist is as follows (and I couldn't get past the first few pages without needing plenty of fluids):

1. America is the best in space, we are, we are, we are. We got there first (don't believe the lying commie soviets) and we are the best.

2. Because America is the best in space, the world should tremble in awe at our mighty power.

3. Pursuant to points 1 and 2, we've decided we own space.

4. Don't get us wrong, we're happy to share it. Feel free to explore space and muck about in it all you like. Stick things in orbit, you know, phone satellite thingies, TV satellites, Virgin Galactic, that kind of stuff.

5. When you're doing all the things we've kindly decided to let you do in point 4, bear in mind if you piss us off (by us we mean the president, not the population of the USA) in the slightest, we'll come and squash you like a bug. North Korea, that means you too. And you, Iran. And don't think because you have more people than us you're exempt, China - There's only one person that matters in the world, and his name is Bush. What's that? No, don't look it up. No. It's just a surname. It doesn't have to mean that, there are plenty of other meanings for the word, it could be any one of-- No, it's not slang for pubic hair. Oh, now you're just being petty. Right. That's it. You're barred from space. We did warn you.

6. Anyway, where were we? Oh, yes. We own space now.

...So there we have it. George Bush has planted a flag in space. I know where I'd like to stick a flagpole. In the space between his fucking ears.

Sorry about the strong language. I took my inspiration from KingAssmar, who suggested the page:

"Hahahaha, so now our empire reaches space. Fucking genius Mr. Bush, truly brilliant."

Couldn't have said it better myself.