Keithbray

2012-Mission to Improve Self-esteem

To be of service to others, I do a lot of reading and research. Original thinking is fine but what I know and coach originated from others.
The biggest issues I help others to come to grips with are related to self-esteem. Today I share writing from Francine Ward, a lady I wish I had as a coaching client!
“Self-esteem comes from honouring your healing journey
My life is not perfect. I make a lot of mistakes. Sometimes, I stumble and fall. I am a work in progress. And when I remember that simple fact, I am better for the experience.
It's easy to start on a path of change and get so busy doing what we need to do that we forget to stop, breathe, and acknowledge the effort we've already made. We forget to honour our own healing journey. There are times when I have to be reminded to do for myself what I do for others. The other day, a friend caught me denigrating the work I put into a project because it wasn't done perfectly. When she asked how it was coming along, I said, "I can't seem to get it down perfectly. It's horrible." I then spent ten minutes - which was as long as she could tolerate my ranting - downplaying the work I had put into the project so far. She couldn't believe she was listening to me. "You could be one of your own clients," she said. And how right she was. I needed to be coached at that moment in time. And after our conversation, I called my coach.
Healing is hard work. It takes great effort to stay on a path that leads to purposeful self-discovery. It takes energy - persistent energy - to be an active participant in the creation of our lives. A healing path requires having the courage to shine a light or allow a light to shine on parts of ourselves that we'd rather keep private. It means having the courage to see the work that still needs to be done. Honouring our healing journey invites us to appreciate the effort that has been made.
It's important to heal and to honour the work done.”
What a great message, a message from someone who truly understands the path to achieving healthy self-esteem and one who appreciates the important role a coach plays.
Want to achieve more in your life in 2012 and live the life you were meant to? Get over your scepticism and give coaching a try! Contact me without obligation!

ROCKETED INTO a 4TH DIMENSION of EXISTENCE
Over the past weekend, I had the privilege of attending a "spiritual retreat" at a wonderful place of peace called Manresa .
What is a spiritual retreat? Sounds out there!
For me it is like taking a time out from life and listening to a leader lead discussions on things of the inner spirit (not necessarily religious) in a setting that is removed from a lot of life's daily distractions; and after listening, to be able to ponder and meditate on things that were at one time baffling or just didn't matter.
There are a number of books that have had a huge impact on the human race. One of them is the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" (known as "The Big Book"), who's twelve steps and principles formed the foundation of AA, a movement that was the first of hundreds of 12 step help groups.
On page 25 of the Big Book, the author states" we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved; there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple spiritual tool kit left at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed.
Because of my own journey of recovery, I had read these words dozens if not hundreds of times. On the weekend, they took on new meaning (and thanks Mildred Franks for the focus).
What does this mean to me?
I was aware of the importance of spirituality in the transformation of my life.
We are "rocketed" into this fourth dimension of existence, the spiritual, when the dimensions of our physical, mental, and emotional states are in harmony and balance, each with the others, occasioned in the moment by our total surrender with complete abandon to our Higher Power. (The 3 dimensions, in which we, as humans, live, experience and struggle with).
My physical, mental and emotional states came into harmony; I was at a good level of peace. I did consciously surrender to the belief that "my Higher Power is everything", because if that weren't so then it was nothing; it had no meaning or purpose in my life. I became "awake" to the fact that a quantum shift had occurred within myself and as I now understand, in that moment, I was rocketed into a fourth (spiritual) dimension which I never considered, but now, through maintaining daily conscious contact with a power greater than myself (and I consciously work at making that contact); I continue to live in.
This, for me, was a huge transformation.
Today I can live in a place where I know I am not the center, and can reach within for a source of power and peace that I always had, but had denied and suppressed and intellectually fought against for many years. From this source, particularly where I make a conscious effort, I receive the ability to live in peace and harmony within me, knowing that I have the ability to live with both the good times and bad times that life continuously throws my way. I can make good choices.
As crazy as it seems, I now can appreciate that when three dimensions, through hard work and the help of my higher power, came into harmony, I was able to surrender my need for control to my higher power and was rocketed into a 4th dimension of existence. I exist today in a place where my spiritual well being and conscious contact must come first; and a wonderful place it is. Want to explore this 4th dimension or share a personal spiritual awakening experience, then you know what to do.
(Posted at coached-to-success.com [coached-to-success.com] or hopeserenity.ca [hopeserenity.ca] )

DOES IT STILL PLAY FORWARD?
The biggest limiting factor in many lives today is the past, plain and simple.
In the "co-creative process of life recovery" that I deeply believe in, a huge part of the coached journey is taking a very hard and detailed look at the past and fully getting things that are buried within externalized.
In my journey, I found for me, the biggest limitations that were preventing me from having the abundant life I deserved were limitations that were ingrained in me when I was young.
Another good idea from my mentor Dr. Randin Brons in his "Idea Engineer" this week on this subject. Please read and reflect.
The past in the present
"If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you." -- Louise Hay

Pick one aspect of your life, e.g. your health, your competence, your prosperity or relationships, and think back to when you were a child. What messages about this subject did you hear from adults at that time that are still playing on your subconscious tape recorder? Messages like: "Men can't be trusted." "Money doesn't grow on trees." "You're not smart enough to succeed in business."

How is your world reflecting your beliefs back to you, today?

"There are no limitations to the self except those you believe in." -- Seth

A DUCK? WHO ME?
One of the joys of living in the times we do is the internet. It gives us a huge access to information and people. Through the site myrecoveryspace.com [myrecoveryspace.com] , I have had the good fortune of befriending Dennis S. in the California desert.
Dennis writes a lot of things I can relate to and learn from. But it is the way he "paints a picture" that I really love. Today, I'll see if I've learned anything from Dennis.
I see a picture done in bright pastels on a very white background. The sky is blue with fluffy clouds, there are green hills and wild flowers surrounding a calm lake, and alone on the lake is a duck swimming in what appears to be a very relaxed manner but moving with no apparent destination.
Funny, I often see this picture when talking with others, particularly those who I know have trouble but want the world to see a person just swimming along. A person in denial.
Words from the well known Richard Cardinal Cushing frame my picture. "When I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck".
I know that Cushing would see me as a duck, and for many years, I was the duck that appears in my mental picture. A duck just swimming along in an idyllic setting just constantly moving aimlessly forward.
What you don't see in my picture, nor did you see in my life, was what was going on beneath the surface and in the head.
To move forward, I was thrashing my legs as hard as I could. It was exhausting and quite out of control, but it was the only way I thought I could make progress, and I didn't want those looking on to know how hard I was working and to realize how out of control things were. All this thrashing under the surface and no real idea of where I was going.
And the head- wow- what a theatre was going on in there.
I saw eagles, but try as I might I couldn't soar with them. I just wasn't equipped. There was no clear vision of where I was going and certainly no acceptance of what I was.
Pictures can be deceiving.
Today I appreciate being a duck, but a duck with purpose and I'm fine with it. I am loved and there are truly perils if I act like an eagle.
When I run into other ducks, I can tell very quickly what they are. I know rapidly how much thrashing is going on under the surface because I can feel the vibrations. I get a very good sense of what's going on in the head because I understand quacking.
The picture to the outside world may look lovely. If the duck you see is at peace, then it is lovely. If the duck you see is struggling and is denying it's a duck, it will be swallowed up.
Take a little time to see yourself in the picture. Are you a duck and what is going on beneath the surface and in the head where those looking from the shore can't see?
If you can relate and want to talk with a duck who loves life as a duck, then give me a shout. Possibly from one duck to another I can help you find a smoother, less exhausting life. (Keith, coached-to-success.com [coached-to-success.com] or hopeserenity.ca [hopeserenity.ca] ).

Self Esteem Continued
To me, self esteem is the most important possession a human being can have. We were born innocent, and the lowering of self esteem occurred through life experiences and over time.
They key point, we were born with self esteem and it still exists within all of us, but with many, it is driven deep into the subconscious and must be "relocated".
Please read a quote from an "Idea Engineer" piece written by my friend and mentor Dr. Randin Brons:
"The basis for having a strong sense of self-esteem is to replace our unconscious idea of basic unworthiness with a conscious knowing of our fundamental inherent goodness. As Matthew Fox argues in Original Blessing, the notion of 'original sin' must be replaced with the truth of 'original blessing.'

Being in touch with our essential goodness, we can see the essential goodness in others as well."
"Beliefs separate. Loving thoughts unite." -- Paul Ferrini
Why do people seek coaches or other methods of self improvement? Above is the true answer.
I have not worked with a person in my coaching practise or in "service" work that has started the process with even reasonable self esteem on a conscious level. A goal with just about everyone I work with to re-establish a loving relationship with self. From there, anything is possible. Without healthy self esteem the future has major limitations.
Look in that mirror and see if you consciously love the person you see. If work is needed, take action, don't wait; it does not get better on its own! coached-to-success.com [coached-to-success.com] ). (khbray@coached-to-success.com)

THE FACE in the MIRROR
On of the greatest compliments I have ever had from a client is that in our relationship, I was a great mirror for him.
The mirror is an inexpensive tool all those seeking improved self esteem have at their disposal. It is a tool I often make a primary one in working with others.
Why?
Read on from a great article just published in his "Idea Engineer" by my mentor and friend, Dr. Randin Brons.
The face in the mirror
"Our inability to see beauty doesn't suggest in the slightest that beauty is not there. Rather, it suggests that we are not looking carefully enough or with broad enough perspective to see the beauty." -- Rabbi Harold Kushner

Who are you? You can gaze at your reflection in a mirror but you're not likely to see your true likeness. You are beautiful, unique, perfect. Do you see that?

The world needs you to see how whole and complete you are -- now. Can you begin to own your divinity? The world needs you to know who you really are so you can be the mirror for others.

"I do only want to advise you to keep growing quietly and seriously throughout your whole development; you cannot disturb it more rudely than by looking outward and expecting from outside replies to questions that only your inmost feeling in your most hushed hour can perhaps answer." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

"The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past, but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing." -- John Muir
Need some help to gain the perspective to see the beauty in you? That's what coaching is about. Learn how to see through the mirror to that divine you. Let the sun shine brilliantly "In" you. coached-to-success.com [coached-to-success.com] and hopeserenity.ca [hopeserenity.ca] ).

Holistic Living-Spiritual Awakening
For something to have an "AWAKENING", it must have been asleep. Now isn't that the most brilliant thing you've ever read.
For me, I made the changes in my life for one big reason, to live abundantly with peace with in. I was an unhappy person and knew that there was a positive option. I had no real idea on how to realize the option. After trying to figure it out and fix it on my own without real success, I sought and got help.
Change was hard but I did the work, was active with my teachers and did the work assigned and got results. I was put on a path and have stayed on it.
While I did have issues like addiction, promiscuity and dishonesty at play in my life, they were not the problem; they were contributing factors.
For me, I have found a holistic approach to change worked. Mental, physical and spiritual; each area interdependent on the other.
Spiritual scares the heck out of many. SPIIRITUAL IS NOT RELIGIOUS, although many I know have had a spiritual awakening and found a religion of choice. That has not been my personal experience-YET. I try to seldom say never.
I have had a SPIRITUAL AWAKENING.
I respect anyone who has spiritual beliefs and puts then INTO PRACTICE. It could be as simple as practicing the golden rule through behaviour.
I believe we are all born with a "spiritual" component inside. Look at history, from earliest history of man there has been an acknowledgement of and a search for some type of higher power and at certain times, following multiple higher powers. It is with us all.
Simply put, for a long time, I, by choice, allowed my spirituality to go to sleep. I intentionally ignore it. I did not feed or nurture it. Funny, I always at one level or another knew it was there.
I did have a spiritual awakening and for me it was a direct result of something said by a coach, then followed up on through a face to face meeting. Something came back to life. For many years now I have cherished it, kept in touch with it and nurtured it. It continues to grow. Ironically as the more interaction I have with it, the better my life gets.
I would not have the abundant life I have today without having had a spiritual awakening and making the "spiritual" an integral part of my daily balanced living.
So you want happiness, abundance, serenity and all those good things in your life that you have not got enough of today. Try a balanced, holistic approach to living, get help, do the work and bask in the results. If you're spiritually asleep today, be sure to make an "awakening" an important part of your journey. It is a big key! coached-to-success.com [coached-to-success.com] or hopeserenity.ca [hopeserenity.ca] )

IS ADDICTION A DISEASE?
I certainly have my own thoughts on this question. Understanding the "disease" nature of addiction, because it gave me peace of mind, saved my life. Trust me; I'm not trying to be dramatic.
From being free of active addiction for over 16 years, I know that the disease can be kept in remission. It took action on my part to get to the place where things are in remission.
I belong to several professional "discussion groups" and offer you the following from one of them:
"Addiction is best conceptualized as a chronic brain disorder. As such, it cannot be cured but it can be managed. Comparing addiction to other chronic conditions such as diabetes, hypertension or asthma, McLellan (2002) noted the many similarities in the etiology, course, treatment and treatment outcomes across chronic conditions. However, more than (or perhaps unlike) any other chronic condition, active addiction has deleterious consequences on almost all areas of functioning (physical and mental health, family and social functioning, employment and education, housing, legal status, and overall well-being). Abstinence from drugs and alcohol is likely a prerequisite to improvement in other life domains, but it rarely brings instant relief (Vaillant, 1995). Addicted individuals who address abstinence alone are unlikely to maintain that abstinence for a prolonged period. Individuals need to address "recovery" in the multiple life domains affected by active addiction. Note: For many, the term `recovery' used to denote regaining something that was lost, is a misnomer as relates to `externals' (materials possessions or status). Rather, a recurring theme among persons in recovery is that what is regained is an identity (a self) and a potential that were lost to addiction (Laudet, 2007).

Unlike other chronic conditions, focusing only on the pathology of addiction (symptoms) leads to stigma that translates into discriminatory policies against those who have overcome the disease and represents many obstacles to rebuilding lives-- such as in housing, education, labor markets, etc. Many individuals emerge from active addiction with co-occurring mental or physical health conditions that also carry stigma (most notably mental health issues and HIV/AIDS). Many individuals who have overcome active addiction experience enduring shame and guilt about the impact their past substance use had on loved ones and on society. This may result in "spiritual malaise," depression, and related negative emotions that can hinder recovery. These secondary symptoms of active addiction must be addressed as part of the recovery process. Would a diabetic experience relief from his/her condition by undertaking a "searching fearless moral inventory" (4th step)? Would a hypertensive consider the need to make amends (9th step) for actions taken when s/he was symptomatic? Yet, many individuals in recovery from addiction worldwide do so in the context of working the 12-step recovery program. Thus, while addiction shares many characteristics with other chronic conditions, it also has a number of unique features that require attention when seeking to elucidate and promote stable remission (recovery)." -

from RESEARCH BRIEF * JANUARY 2009 Compiled by: Alexandre Laudet, PhD, National Development and Research Institutes, Inc. Edited by : Michael T. Flaherty,
PhD, Institute for Research, Education and Training in Addictions and Debra Langer, MSc, MPA, Institute for Research, Education and Training in Addictions
This article may give hope to many. I know it to be true in my own life. If you'd like to discuss, please contact me through info@coached-to-success.com or khbray@hopeserenity.ca. We coach holistic life recovery. To see if you suffer from the disease of addiction, see the questionaire bottom left of our hopeserenity.ca [hopeserenity.ca] home page.