911review/funny

UCS News : Iraq) Today US troops are battling insurgents in the sparsely populated farmland northeast of Samarra. The Troops have control of the area but operation Swarmer has failed to achieve it's main objective. The objective was to lift the Presidents sagging poll numbers at the war's third Anniversary . On Friday commander of multinational forces, Lt. Gen. Peter Chiarelli, told reporters the operation has found "very, very light resistance." Just as planned.

The President and Pentagon staffers have been planning a string victorious "battles" for some time. The plans were developed in case the President's poll numbers slipped below 40%. With his domestic agenda stalled and his top advisers jailed for shoplifting it's the perfect time to have a victorious battle with no US casualties.

"We flew the troops in and stormed the city with a great show of force." This makes a great sound bite, but there were no insurgents in sight. One commander on the ground stated, "The Army threw a battle and no one came." Critics of the War agree, The operation was a perfect way for the President to distract the troops and the American people from the grim 3 year milestone. The other objective was to show some "progress" as the unpopular war drags into it's 4th year.

Off the record Iraqi commanders complained. With the cost of jet and helicopter fuel it's an unconscionable waste of tax payers dollars for an election year publicity stunt. Operation Swarmer was less like a battle and more like a helicopter joy ride followed by a brisk walk and MRE picnic lunch. After the picnic was over the Pentagon declared victory and went home.

LOL

From the page: "A letter to Microsoft
root@dogear.spk.wa.us (Bob Kirkpatrick)
Dog Ear'd Systems of Spokane, WA
(smirk, original)

Gentlemen:

While my career occupies much of my time, I do programming at home
as a hobby. I noticed a new addition to your library with the recent
release of your new C Compiler. I was having a problem, which I was
finally able to overcome by using one of the undocumented calls.

#include
main()
{
printf("hello worldn");
}

MICROSOFT C COMPILER Version 6.3
Copyright 1992 Microsoft Corporation All Rights Reserved.

10342: Line 5, unknown function 'printf'

MICROSOFT Object FIle Link Utility Version 4.09
Copyright 1991 Microsoft Corporation All Rights Reserved.

No object file: test.obj
Abnormal Program Termination



#include
#include hidden/bribe.h>

main()
{
printf("Hello worldn");
}

MICROSOFT C COMPILER Version 6.3
Copyright 1992 Microsoft Corporation All Rights Reserved.

MICROSOFT Object File Link Utility Version 4.09
Copyright 1991 Microsoft Corporation All Rights Reserved.

Output File: test.exe
Program completed without error.


I couldn't help but notice that my VISA account was debited $18.42 each
time that I ran the compiler, and that on each successful completion, my
modem would dial and connect with an unknown system.

I don't mean to complain, but wished to inquire about the notice which
was on the envelope containing the diskettes which came with my purchase.

"Breaking of this seal affirms a contractual agreement between the
Purchaser and the Microsoft Corporation. The Purchaser agrees to
abide by the terms and conditions of the License conditionally
granted by the Microsoft Corporation. Copies of this licence may
be obtained by ordering a copy of it from our purchasing department.
The cost for a copy of the license is $99.00 and includes a copy of
MSDOS Version 4.0. Continued use of this product may incur subsequent
user charges as outlined in the contract. The Microsoft Corporation
assumes no liabilities for the use of this product, and offers no
warranties, expressed or implied. Damage to systems or loss of business
revenues through the use of this software shall be deemed amusing."


After contacting your organization in an attempt to return the compiler, I
was told that I would be assessed a $400.00 restocking fee. Since I only
paid $197 for the product, I felt that this was a bit exhorbinant. After
ending the conversation with your Customer Service Department, I noted that
another debit from my VISA account. The debit was made in favor of Microsoft
and was labelled "consultation fee."

This letter is not to complain about your business policies, but instead
recognizes the stability and cash flow that Microsoft enjoys as a result of
them. Since your policies reflect closely my own aims in my career, and
there is a significant possibility that I may be available in a few months,
I would like to interview for a position at Microsoft. A copy of my resume
has been sent under separate cover.



Sincerely,

George Bush.


Submitted: Bob Kirkpatrick,
Dog Ear'd Systems of Spokane, WA. "

-

Idiot in Theif

some humor about the CIA DUke Cunningham Porter Goss etc...


img116.imageshack.us/img116/5323/dhslimo1zd.jpg [img116.imageshack.us/img116/5323/dhslimo1zd.jpg]


911review.org/humor/CIA/Goss.html [911review.org/humor/CIA/Goss.html]